Now, I've not read the books, and I've not seen the first film. I've heard so much about Twilight over the past year I didn't feel it was necessary. How hard can it be to grasp? Girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy tells girl he's vampire, girl asks boy to change her, boy says no, moral dilemma ensues. Simples.
But rather than reviewing this film in relation to the original source and the fluent transition from its predecessor, I'll be reviewing New Moon in terms of script, acting and overall narrative flow.
From the director who brought you pie-fucking, New Moon follows the story of sunlight-proof vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattenson), and his choice to leave the "love of his life" Bella (Kristen Stewart) after a papercut. The typical fuck-then-chuck scenario. Cue the inevitable emotional breakdown and muscle-bound werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) to pick up the pieces
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To cut a two-hour film short, some vampire girl from the previous film is hunting Bella over the death of her lover. The shirtless werewolf pack protect her, but some sort of piss-poor communication leads Cullen to believe she died in a cliff jumping accident. The King of Cheekbones then flees to Italy to provoke some vampire council, only for his ever-annoying sister Alice Cullen and Bella to intervene at the last minute. The hard-ass vampire lords learn of Bella's awareness of their secret race and present Edward with an ultimatum. Either kill Bella, or turn her into a vamp. Here's hoping he chooses the former.
Classic case of girl mixing in with wrong crowd after being dumped. As she falls deeper into the sanctuary of the werewolf club, she begins seeing ghostly apparitions of her former lover (a devise introduced by the producers to keep as much of R-Pattz in the movie as possible), but in relation to eye candy, Jacob steals the show.
Put some clothes on. Srsly.
The acting is wooden, substandard at best, the script is loosely written with little to no effort being made transcending tangible teenage angst into the narrative, and the mythology is utter balls. The title of the film suggests the opposite of a full-moon, so how it is possible for werewolves to transform at will? I'm no Twilight theologian, so I can't explain the reasoning behind that one.
In essence, New Moon is something we've seen before. The staple teenage-angst narrative placed upon the supernatural template does not make it original. It seems apparent from watching the film that Meyers has borrowed conventions from Anne Rice, Romeo & Juliet and Pride & Prejudice. I can appreciate why The Twilight Saga appeals to a mass audience, but there are far better examples of girl-getting-dumped stories within the ether of popular culture.
New Moon supports the argument that there are no original stories, only original concepts.
Rating: a merciful 2/5
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