My Latest Obsession

The über-fit Jessica Weekley.

ZOMG!!

Well, that was a hum-dinger...

As most of you well know, or should know, LOST is probably the best thing in the world. I've been OBSESSED with this show since it's inception. But alas, the final season is here, and so far its looking to be LOST's best season yet.

I won't drown this post in arguments for and against the consistency and validity of LOST's premise, so I'll cut straight to the chase; This week's episode Ab Aeterno was bollock-tinglingly amazing. In reaction, I've taken it upon myself to tell you why it was so good. Reason being I have 4 hours to kill and I've been a tad neglectful of my blog of late.

Oh yeah btw, this will contain *SPOILERS*, so if you've not seen it then you're a prick.

So yeah, finally the illusive Richard Alpert's back story is explored. The ep begins with team Jack sat on their arses wondering what to do next. Jacob groupie Ilana notes that Richard knows what the next step is. After a girlish giggle (I ROFL'd at this point), Richard claims he has no clue as to what to do next. Jack notices Hurley talking in rapid Spanish in the distance to someone unseen. He assumes the tubby funster is talking to dead Jacob, but Hurley hastily denies this, telling Jack to mind his own fuckin' business (for once). During this, Richard storms off into the jungle with flame torch in hand. WOOOOOSH! Flashback. 

Tenerife, 1867. Richard, a farmer living in El Socorro is arrested and reprimanded for killing a doctor who refused to cure his sick wife (what a nobber). As he awaits the gallows, Richard is sold as a slave to Magnus Hanso (name ring a bell, LOST Experience fans?), captain of The Black Rock. 

Cue stormy seas at night and a shipwreck that takes down a 250ft statue (go figure). Richard and his compadres awake in the jungle miles from the shore line. The first mate of said ship then systematically goes about killing all of the slaves, informing Richard that if released, it would only be a matter of time until the slaves turn against the crew due to low supplies. As he informs Richard of the situation, a familiar sound can be heard in the distance. Smokey arrives to join the slaughter party. After killing the remaining crew, Smokey "scans" Richard and promptly leaves. Richard is left alone, shackled to the ship's brig.

Days pass. Richard haphazardly attempts to free himself from the chains, but to no avail. All hope seems lost, until an apparition of his dead wife Isabella appears. She informs him in rapid Spanish that they're in hell and Smokey's the devil. Upon this revelation, Smokey comes back and seemingly "kills" Isabella. Richard screams out to her, but the sirens and screams of Smokey shrink off into the distance.

More time passes. A semi-conscious Richard is awoken by the human form of Smokey, Jacob's nemesis. He gives Richard water and identifies himself as "a friend". Smokey/MiB/Flocke/Smocke/Locke Ness Monster confirms Richard's assertion that he is indeed in hell with one way out; to kill the devil.

So yeah, this black linen-wearing douche dupes Richard into thinking Jacob's the devil. He presents him with a knife in the same manner as Dogen (Mr Miyagi from the Temple) presented to Sayid. So Richard stomps halfway across the Island to Jacob's chamber at the base of the statue. Upon his approach, Jacob catches him unawares and overpowers him, demanding why he was there. Jacob precedes to baptise Richard to prove to him he is in fact very much alive. The blonde wonder then tells Richard that MiB is the evil twin, and explains the Island's purpose via the analogy of a corked bottle of wine. The wine represents the evil, and the cork  represents the Island, preventing evil from spreading. Jacob basks in his own awesomeness as Richard looks on.

Because Jacob will refuse to interfere with people's choices on right and wrong, Richard notes that MiB will influence people, so Jacob gives him the job of advisor/representative on his behalf. In exchange, Richard wishes for his dead wife to come back and avoid the licking flames of hell and damnation when he kicks the bucket. Jacob can't grant this (anyone getting flashbacks to Disney's Aladdin?), so Richard asks to never die. Apparently Jacob can do that, thus bestowing him immortality.

Upon Richard's return to the jungle, MiB gathers that he failed in his mission to murder Jacob. Richard gives him a white stone, a gift from Jacob. MiB tells him that his offer still stands if he were to ever change his mind. MiB then gives Richard Isabella's keepsake, a golden crucifix. Richard then precedes to bury it, forever laying her memory to rest.

Cut to MiB sitting on a log. Jacob strolls up and sits next to him. He asks Jacob to let him leave the Island. Obviously Jacob says no, and hands him the bottle of wine. Jacob takes his leave and MiB smashes the wine glass upon the log, releasing the contents (ooh! metaphor!).

WOOOOSH! Back to present Island time. Richard arrives at the location where he buried the crucifix way back when. He screams into the jungle that he's reconsidered MiB's offer, and from out of fuckin' nowhere Hurley appears. Richard's slightly peeved until Hurley reveals Isabella sent him to follow Richard. On behalf of his dead wife, Hurley asks Richard why he buried the cross. An emotional conversation between Richard and Isabella via Hurley ensues. Isabella leaves Richard with the parting words to spot MiB from leaving the Island all all costs, or they all "go to hell".

Holy-shitting-bollocks! Awesomeness. On all levels. A handfull of birds killed with one stone.

Superbly written by Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindleloff, Ab Aeterno demonstraits that LOST is indeed heading towards a coherent conclusion as all the pieces fall together. Fuck the naysayers and critics that argued the show's lack of consistency and narrative flow, and the "making up as they go along" argument no longer carries the credible gravitas it previously had. Not only was this sheer greatness from a story telling perspective, it also carried some fantastic acting. Nestor Carbonell, who playes Richard, was finally able to spread his wings with outstanding results. Superb acting on his part, particually the scene featuring the convo between Richard and Isabella via Hurley. I've not been that choked up since Desmond phoned Penny from the freighter on Crimbo day. Only confident acting juxatposed with a tight story can stir such emotion within the dark recessess of my heart.

This ep also explored the original incartation of the Man in Black, Titus Welliver, whose machiavellian and yet somewhat reassuring confidence as the big bad charmed me. Still, his true motives remain unclear which gives LOST that special something it's always had since the beginning, mystery.

Put simply, LOST is perfection. In storytelling, acting, suspence and overall originality.

I will take down any fuck-knuckle who says otherwise. Consider yourselves warned.

Oh Sh!t

Is there a Na'vi phrase for "Epic Fail"?